We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
