I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
