Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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