Walk of Shame. In a state park.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
