I wish I could punch you in the face.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
