im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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