So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
sarcasm needs its own font
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
