He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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