Its about making memories worth repressing
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
