1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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