Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
