WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
