it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
