I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
