thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Tornado booty call.. dedication
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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