Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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