umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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