I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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