i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
