Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You need Xanax blowdarts
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
