The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
