I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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