woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You ruined the universe
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
