tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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