When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
