i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
