Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The power of my boobs compel you
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
