i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Everclear isn't food dammit
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
