don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
