best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
