Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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