My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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