You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
