He disabled his match.com account in front of me
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
