the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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