Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
