I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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