He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
