my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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