This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
