upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
