I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
we're chasing vodka with high fives
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I touched a dick in church today
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
