well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
