Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
