i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Can you bring me the toilet please
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
