she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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