Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
