Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
