I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
