I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
