Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
