Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
