i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
