You're so nebulous sometimes
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
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apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
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Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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