The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize