I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
