No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
