it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
