Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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