i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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