ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
