How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
