When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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