you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
