her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
