I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Randomize