remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
