Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize